Fighting over money issues: Why are money issues the #1 cause of divorce?

[admin]

Post your comments and share your stories!

Any rude or disrespectful posts will be removed from the board. Any comments made on other member’s posts will be removed from the board. Please do not use any profanity and make sure to respect one another's opinions. This is an exchange of opinions not a debate. Please do not post any personal contact information or telephone numbers.

[Ice]

Unfortunately, money makes the world go round. You need money to keep food on the table and a roof overhead. A lack of money increases stress. Stress is one the greatest evils of the human mind and body. Stress can cause mood swings, weight gain, weight loss, depression, anxiety, loss of appetite, loss of sex drive, as well as symptoms that can resemble practically any and every illness known to humankind. Stress without the aid of any other health problems can kill.

When there is stress on the wallet, purse and bank account dreams desires and goals fall by the wayside or even die. Without the money to open a business, do home improvements, keep the lights on, go back to school, put food on the table, keep bill collectors from calling or just go out and have some fun together, stress levels rise.

This leads to arguments over money, which leads to more stress and increased levels of tension. These two combine to create the human phenomenon of when someone you love and care about suddenly becomes someone you can’t be around, and all you see is their flaws, and not why you love them syndrome.

Which leads to the I can’t live like this, I want to enjoy life and living without the worry of day to day finances syndrome.

Money issues lead to stress. Stress leads to divorce.

[Mahogany Love]

That is what they have based their marriage on MONEY! She's got some money and he thinks that is security or he's got a good job making $500,000 per year and she thinks this is her security for life and some will even go as far as having a baby for added security (18 years worth) but reality sets in once those money problems "NOTHING IS GUARENTEED” that $500,000 a year could be taken away or perhaps she had not told the full truth and she’s been spending her dad & mom’s money and momma said she ain’t giving no more, therefore: All Her Monies Are Gone.

These are extreme examples but it’s the TRUTH! Base your marriages off of NON- MATERIAL items and almost nothing will BREAK you down. Money is the last thing that matters to me MONEY COMES & GOES (very quickly) BUT MY MAN’S SPIRITUALITY, HEALTH & OVER ALL WELL BEING etc. is my concern.

Good example: What would you do if you were married to Michael Vick? If he where married and his wife where married to him because of the money SHE WOULD FLY THE COOP REAL QUICK cause his big money maybe GONE! Just an example and there are many widely public examples that could be used.

take a look at Mark 4:19

A wise man or woman is aware you will forever be in "debt" because debt is much deeper than money. A wise man or woman also is aware that if you want to talk about debt this LAND OF FREE WE LIVE IN is knee deep in debt. A wise man or woman would also say that they would accept a man or woman in marriage in debt that speaks only about the Lord rather than the one that has a 800 credit score that is made up of filth. For the one that is in debt and that speaks about the LORD is RICHER than the next because their TOP PRIORITY is having "NO DEBT" what-so-ever! Husband in wife together will clear ALL debt if they are walking the right path.


Always: Love, Peace & Harmony all over the world

[Delectable44U]

I believe couples fight over money because there is no trust first and foremost. I believe if it is established in the relationship that as a husband and wife you have become as one union so therefore if you are compatible and comfortable with becoming as one then there should not be any money issues because the compatability is there, However some people are not compatible when it comes to money this is where I feel that trust should play the roll in a marriage. There should always be at least one responsible person out of a marriage that can handle financial affairs and be totally trustworthy of decisions being made toward the union's well being or future. There is the saying that money is the root of all evil well I believe People make money evil and fighting and divorcing over it is one way of making it evil. You also have the reasons that people get married in the first place although this might be a another show but why do people get married? was it for love or was it for money? Holla Back

[dena45]

and I checked his credit it's not bad and it is not good either most of it is old debt.
I can never get through Michael Baisden , I am in Plano Texas I need to know if I am making a mistake?

[Thewrite_one]

Basically, I think the way a person manages their money says alot about their personality. Money problems in marriage are often masking other problems. When a person sneaks around in the marriage and purchases things without their their spouse knowing- there is an obvious break down on communication between them. If a woman cant talk to her husband about a pair of shoes- what else do she has trouble talking to him about. WHO- i mean what else is hidden in that closet:p

[dena45]

Are there any Buses leaving out of Dallas Texas, also Michael sorry I missed you on Saturday, Gregg
Reeves did say that you were in Dallas I have started my home base business, all the Vitamins are natural and you can try us 100% risk free.


www.don'tforgettotakeyourvitamins.com/chappell30768

[Delectable44U]

My credit is not the bomb diggity but its not all shot to hell either and if a person is going to be with me because I have good credit then I say they can go right on pass me. Its not all about getting with somebody for what or how they may be established financially because you have to remember that thats their accomplishments as far as good credit not yours and if you have bad credit then you should let your partner be an incentative to you for wanting to have good credit. The other party should not ridicule you if you have bad credit nor be judgemental about how one may handle money if you can't help a person ( and I don't mean financially) with advice or suggestions with how they should handle financial situations to make the relationship financially stable and (ones self) then they should not be involved at all or money talk should not come no where into the picture. People get things so twisted and they can be so judgemental at times its ridiculous! Don't judge nobody for having bad credit if you can't help with friendly advice or suggestions then its best not to say anything.

[kherilynn]

Has anybody heard that Shaq and his wife is breaking up. Aparently he is saying that she is hiding some of her asset and demanding that she disclose all of the assets she has acquired over the five years of their marriage. Even people with lots of money have issues. This is so sad how something as stupid as money is put before love and family. These people have children, and money is ahead of that. I am saddend that money controls us in this manner. Black people must learn how to stick together are we'll never make it. :rolleyes:

[sugark5710]

How to handle money must be taught. We start with our children. Teach them how to handle their allowances. Teach them how to pay themselves. I taught my daughter when she started receiving an allowance at the age of ten to first pay her tithes of ten percent. I then taught her how to pay herself through savings. She is now 21 years old and has amassed a small fortune -- almost $7,000. She diverts money on a bi-weekly basis from her part-time job to HER savings plan. She pays her credit card debt off immediately. If not, then she definitely pays it off within two months. This helps her credit rating but also places a self-imposed cap on the amount she spends via credit cards.

Did I know all this when I started teaching my daughter? No I didn't. I learned the hard way -- "Robbing Peter to Pay Paul." I was determined to teach myself first and then my daughter a better way. Therefore, I learned right along with my daughter. I wasn't savvy at investing or choosing the "right" fund to invest my 401K at the time I started teaching my daughter. However, I was determined to learn. I read books at the local library (FREE), purchased magazines (Forbes, Black Enterprise) and attended FREE workshops given at my place of worship. There are plenty of free places to go to learn how to become financially independent so that's no excuse. My daughter is now helping her friends. She's talked them into at least starting savings accounts with $25 per month. It's a starting point -- which is the biggest hurdle to overcome.

[ClevelandDiva216]

I'm a single professional black woman from Cleveland, Ohio. The last relationship i had was for almost 7 years and it ended because he had no plans for his future. He couldn't hold down a job or gain stable employment and one day we were driving in the car after argueing about money issues as usual and i came out and asked him where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? He had no idea and thats when i realized seriously this was not the man for me but i felt even worse because i wasted so many years in this dead end relationship. I've been single now for almost 2 years. I've dated men but all the men i've dated are too needy for me i guess. What happened to the men like my father? The providers the men who lived by the bible verse of a man that doesn't work, doesn't eat? Can you answer that question for me? Why are men these days so weak and dependent on women not just girlfriends even their mothers! What are we suppose to do with these triflin' dudes? Most just want to lay up on you, drive your car, nickle and dime you to death then ruin your credit!!! Please talk some sense into them!!!!

[Chosen]

We also have to teach our kids about how to earn money. Going to work to get money and a paycheck is not the best way to earn income. Because doing it that way you can only exchange a certain amount of time for a certain amount of money.

We all need strategies to generate passive income so money is being made whether you are sleeping, spending time with family or actually doing some form of work.

It's not as hard as you might think but it starts with your mind. Some of you have sent messages to me because you've seen some of the post I've written that explain some of the things I've done to help me reach the financial level of success I've achieved.

For those of you out there that feel like you can't attain millions of dollars YOU ARE WRONG! Anyone can achieve this but your own skepticism and doubt will absolutely keep you in your current situation and put strain on your family.

The first thing that has to change before your bank account expands is your own mindset. You must first realize that if you are a child of God then abundance and riches are a part of your inheritance.

The difference between a billionaire and someone that stresses to pay the bills are the things they constantly think about and what they focus on.
I hope this has helped some of you and shoot me a message if you're interested in changing your stress levels.

In Gratitude,
B.
Science of Getting Rich (http://secretriches.thesgrprogram.com)

[tcook668]

To be honest, the money is not the issue. But its the decision of the parties involved. People are no longer committed and there is no such thing as waiting until we could do better. This "It's Now or Never" thing going on throughout the land has people believing that it would be better to have it now than later.

We are living in a society that operates like a microwave. I know what I want and putting it in this oven will get it just how I like it, and the moment it stops operating its time for replacement. People no longer want to work at things to make it better, everyone is out for themselves. We find that the bride and groom are looking at what we they can receive and not looking at what they going to have to give. Marriage is tricky in that it works on both individuals when they really want to make it last forever. It makes any willing party recongize and cherish the qualities in their spouse and helps you see clearly how you may be hampering and not allowing those qualities to fully bloom. This makes you look at doing things a little differently that will make the two of you fit perfectly in that area. Of course, there would be some you that may fit as perfect but it would be where any confusion could be brought up between the two of you.

Lastly, we must get a fell for responsibility again if we are to make it. And about all, its time for us to Fear the Lord, like we say we Love the Lord. With His help any marriage can stand the test of the times. May question for many would simple ask them to explain their foundation. And depending on the ground its being built upon would give an indication on whether it will stand.

Be Blessed

[julienne402005]

Unfortunately, this is an ongoing issue among couples. It has to be discussed before you get married. If neither of you can hold on to money when you are single, it won't be any easier when you get married because then you have to be concerned with your spouse. Husband and wife should have their own separate account and then have an account together. if the two people can't sit and talk about issues with their own relationship but can talk about everything else under the sun,(other couples problems) you already have a problem. If everybody would stop thinking, "well if I get married then i will be able to spend my money and the other one can handle the rest", (that goes for men and women because SOME men are looking for women to pay their bills just like SOME women are looking for men to pay their bills) then a lot of relationships would last longer. If people would stop going into the relationship thinking what can that person do for me and think what can I do to make the other person's life better it would get off to a better start and have a better chance of lasting.

[D_bkny]

Unfortunately, this is an ongoing issue among couples. It has to be discussed before you get married. If neither of you can hold on to money when you are single, it won't be any easier when you get married because then you have to be concerned with your spouse. Husband and wife should have their own separate account and then have an account together. if the two people can't sit and talk about issues with their own relationship but can talk about everything else under the sun,(other couples problems) you already have a problem. If everybody would stop thinking, "well if I get married then i will be able to spend my money and the other one can handle the rest", (that goes for men and women because SOME men are looking for women to pay their bills just like SOME women are looking for men to pay their bills) then a lot of relationships would last longer. If people would stop going into the relationship thinking what can that person do for me and think what can I do to make the other person's life better it would get off to a better start and have a better chance of lasting.

...agree with you more julie. Premarital counseling, it could be your pastor or profesional marriage counselor, just get it. Money is one of the main reasons most marriages end in divorce and is something that has to be discussed (amongst other things) before a couple gets married. Thus, avoiding (for the most part) any nasty surprises a few months down the road. :D

[maxeus]

:) Post your comments and share your stories!

Any rude or disrespectful posts will be removed from the board. Any comments made on other member’s posts will be removed from the board. Please do not use any profanity and make sure to respect one another's opinions. This is an exchange of opinions not a debate. Please do not post any personal contact information or telephone numbers.

One of the sayings most expressed nowdays is, times have changed.
I beg to differ by saying people have changed and circumstances as well.
Look at our society, full of evil and greed, the reason for such divorces.
Where is the love, trust and commitment? It is nearly gone and love has no place to stay simply because it does'nt pay the rent. For better or worst, for richer or for poorer is just a bunch of talk and selfishness has taking over because two people that are suppose to be one seem to think it all about the individual. As far as circumstances go, the individualism has created this greed monster that demands to be feed no matter who get hurt.

[JukeboxJones]

We are living in a day and age where people can end their marriage over money issues. I have been Married for two years and there have been ups and downs with money but not to a breaking point. Shaquille O'Neal and his wife Shaunie O'Neal are divorcing over money issues. They have money, I have ended relationships because I dated women who thought of me as their personal ATM. Many People want to live this Fantasy Life because their Parents didn't, Buying Extravagant Things: Fancy Cars, Fancy Homes, Jewelry, Clothing, etc. Unemployment is up, 8% of the Black Population in the USA is unemployed and we make up about 13% of the USA. That means only 5% are employed, I am sure many of us are under employed. I am working on a Documentary Film where I discuss the growth of Temporary Employment, Outsourcing Companies and Small Businesses. Foreclosures are also up, I live in Charlotte, NC. They are ranked in the top five of City/State Foreclosures. Times are getting harder and if I don't have it, I'll get with someone who does. In my former neighborhood of New York City (I won't disclose the housing projects) I heard women talk about the type of man they want to marry. I never seen these women go to work or school, they weren't trying to get their lives together. The reason why I know this is, when I went to work they were sitting in fron of my building and when I can home they were still sitting in front of my building, wearing the same clothes, talking about the same ole nonsense. Marriage is hard work, Parenting is hard work, I have seen people get divorced over money issues or either spouse is cheating on each other. Money should not be an issue but it is, Love can't pay the bills, Money does. Love and Money don't mis, some people feel it does and that can end a marriage.

[thurst]

I do not want a man knee deep in debt. I want a whole man the man with a right spirit and a savings account. The fact that the man comes without debt lets me know that he has integrity and pays what he owes. That way, I don't have to have an issue when we buy a beautful home for ourselves and he doesn't think it's that important to pay the mortgage and we end up on the street bc the only thing about him is the fact that he is a good person.

[grk14]

and I checked his credit it's not bad and it is not good either most of it is old debt.
I can never get through Michael Baisden , I am in Plano Texas I need to know if I am making a mistake?
determine your perfect credit score and picture yourself on the other side, if he checked yours will he say the same thing? besides how a person handles finances is important, but if he lost his job the day after the ceromony, would you leave? the credit is important but if there was nothing but you two, would you make it? think about it, pray and know what you want. then act on what you know. no one should be in your marriage but you two and GOD.

[carlew]

I would agree that money is the number one reason why couples break up, but I also believe age differences of 10 years or more is a very close second. I’m not saying that all 10 year or more age difference relationships break up, but I feel they break up more than they last. The culprits are usually jealousy and distrust, which requires you to constantly have to reassure your mate who is older that you want to make the relationship work. After awhile, it gets really old defending all your actions because of your mate’s self-doubting and you ultimately split up.

[Lady_Z]

Couples fight over money because one or neither party had any training in handling money. If one is a reckless spender not taking into account the new union and added responsibilities, then that relationship is going to hit roadblock after roadblock until the big verbal blowup. Recklessly spending without awareness of the damage being done to the household's financial foundation can only be seen when the responsible party stops paying all the bills (utilities, rent/mortgage, etc.) and the spender gets a wake-up call. Most people don't want to be put out or not have utilities available so the fighting begins. Don't be a victim of your own ignorance - start budgeting AND SAVING; every dollar you make IS NOT meant to be immediately spent! Take local training for budgeting/household management/couple's counseling, if needed. Working out the areas that you are weak in will allow you to show your children how to do it right the first time instead of repeating the pattern of poor money handlers or meeting/dating/marrying someone who is!