Father’s rights: Know your rights!

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[Ladyofyadreams]

When my brother was fighting for custody of his daughter had to fire his first lawyer because she was not doing a good job of fighting for him. By the time he retained a new lawyer the case was pretty much coming to an end. When his second laywer agreed to represent him for the remainder of the case one of the first things he told my brother was Queens county NY is not a good county for fathers who try to do the right thing by their children. Long story short, my brother lost his custody of his daughter and the Judge told him that while she commended him for stepping up to the plate and taking care of his child, he now needed to be weened off her. My brother went from seeing his child 3 1/2 days every week to every other weekend. My brother raised his daughter by himself from the time she was 3 months old until she was almost 2 because my niece's mother abondoned her and my brother. What kind of message did that judge think she was sending with her ruling?

[BAP35]

To all the fathers who care enough to take on the responsiblity when moms are unwilling or unable. This is a responsiblity that fathers are rarely willing to take on. One word CONTINUE.....

[BAP35]

Unfortunately a lot of men don't know their rights when it comes to their children. However, some are unwilling or don't have the resources to fight for their rights when they are brought to their attention. For example, many fathers think that a mother automatically has custody of the child or because they are paying child support the mother has custody. In fact neither is true. Until a parent files a petition in court for sole custody of the child, custody of the child(ren) is JOINT. No one parent has more rights then another. In fact if the police are called he can't force one parent to release the child, it must be worked out in the courts.

The bottom line is both parents need to set their relationship issues aside and develop what I call a "PARENTSHIP". When you have a parentship you are communicating and behaving in manner that will best meet the needs of child. When parents are constantly fighting and spilling out hatred toward one another it does not hurt the other parent it hurts the children.

[Doingitbymyself]

Ok...I am coming from the mother's angle. I am divorced and my ex pays me child support for 1 of the 2 children I support. He only pays me enough so that I do not pay daycare expenses for that child. However it is like pulling teeth to get him to return a phone call no less ask about how his daughter is doing. She has been sick for over 3 weeks. So I give props to the few men who want to be that MAN in their children's lives...as for the low life sperm donors...LADIES take them to the bank.

[blkav8tor2003]

I am in the situation with my son's mother...now we are on good terms and I new about many of the things including 9 months to a year to get things done!!! If you are being served and and they want to garnish your wages they move very quickly...Interesting how when you the father wants or needs something the systems is slow as nothing but they are very fast at trying to get at you if they need something...ie MONEY!!!

[laylablue]

I am so happy to know that there are real men in 2007. From a mother's point of view. I am one that moved from Cola, SC to Charlotte, NC with my 3 girls; not out of spite but to better my financial situation because I wasn't getting any help and expose my children to a different lifestyle. I haven't pursued any child support from my 2 donors because I don't feel any courts will use a chart to value my children. In the long run you will reap what you sow. The Bible states that the Lord will be a father to the fatherless, and I will say without a doubt that the Lord has been an EXCELLENT father for my 3 girls. Even through my past few months of struggling through a cancer battle as a single parent, I haven't recieved a dime or offer from donors or their families, and my kids are not hungry, cold, or without. The road is difficult sometimes but to see my girls smile is priceless and worth every sacrifice that I have to endure. It has hurt me because I know that my children don't have support from a father that puts so much more strain on my physically because all they have is me. So it makes me fight so much harder with this little thing called cancer. To all of the real mothers and fathers keep up the good work. When you raise productive men and women it will pay off.

[want2know]

There are some great father's out there I will like to give props to those fathers. My oldsest child father just came back into his life my son is ten yrs old and is just meeting him. At first I was going to fight the visitation but then I decided to put my feeling how I feel about bio dad aside and think about my son. Because I am married and have been with my husband since my son was 7 months old. My son has always known that my husband is not is bio dad. But he still sees my husband as his father but wants to get to know is bio dad as well.By the way I have never stopped him from being in his son life. That is something that he chose to do on his own and I have never bad mouth him to my son.

[danie]

Coming from a mother's point of view, the system does not move as quick as a lot of people think. It took a year and a half for me to receive child support initially, after it was ordered, and when the sperm donor decided to stop paying, it took almost a year of calling the enforcement agency weekly for them to garnish his wages. Now, I am all for father's rights, however, lets not forget the rights of mothers. Father's can petition the courts to get the child support obligation lowered. In addition, they can make good faith payments as low as $10 a month to avoid action. As a mother, this is unfair. I worked three jobs to make sure that my child had the basic human neccessities. To allow a father who can't afford to pay a lower amount is unfair. Just as a mother has to work multiple jobs to support her child, the father should also. In addition, some fathers take advantage of their "rights", and use them to push the mother into a corner. My child's father hasn't seen him in 4 years by his own choice, yet whenever he gets tired of paying child support, he files court papers, then doesn't show up to court, and says he will stop, if I stop asking for child support. I'm not saying that their are not good fathers out there, but the majority of them paying child support by a court order aren't.

[rodp1969]

I am currently in this situation. I have been faithfully and consistently paying support for my Sons in VA. The MI agency have just garnished my last 2 checks and still haven't found a way to get it to my children. Now I am out of 2/3 of my money and it still isn't getting to my kids. They told me not to even call prior to 30 days of me logging the initial complaint while they 'investigate'. After the investigation, I will still have to wait 2-4 months before they get their hand out of my pocket in MI when all was working well through VA.

I'll never turn my back on my boys. I just have to find a way for us all to make it until I can get this turned around. Unfortunately, my ex-wife (who wants to help) can't due to other small children she had after our divorce.

It's really a shame when the folks who try to do it right get caught up in all of the wrong.

[Mahogany Love]

I have been listening to the show & I really wish that you guys would say every case is very DIFFERENT. Because EVERY case is different. Before you go having people sitting in court unnecessarily for I myself am dealing with a CRAZY situation and the sad part it is really a court problem not my or the father's fault it just when you get tide up with the court system sometimes you really wish they wouldn't have gotten in your business in the first place.

To the comment the attorney keeps throwing out DEAD BEAT parents can go in and have child support reduced. Neither I nor any other single parent can reduce the darn child, so I guess this attorney is going to pick up the tab for all child support cases that are reduced. It is a shame this system really works against people especially when dealing with DEAD BEAT parents. It really does. DEAD BEAT parents make sure their behinds eat, have a roof over their heads, etc. and many of them leave the child behind without another thought.

EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT because when you decide to move out of state perhaps to better yourself because perhaps the small town you lived in doesn't have any jobs and then you have perhaps a CRACKHEAD DEAD BEAT parent that decides they want to step in because this attorney is on the radio running her mouth about a situation she doesn't have a clue about. GET A DARN GRIP and state the facts as they are EVERY CASE IS DIFFERENT and there are many other sad cases that could end up in court wasting tax payers money and the parents time because of a RADIO BROADCAST like this!

Always: Love, Peace & Harmony all over the world

[Daddyafro]

Dear Michael and staff,

I'm writing from NJ. Thanks for this forum first of all. Keep pushin and providing inspiration. I have the misfortune to have had a baby with the wrong woman. One day I went to pick him up from daycare he was gone and when I called his mother I found out she was in Danville IL with our son! I was totally distraught because I never got to say goodbye to our son in fact that morning he was with me and his mother looked me in the eyes and lied saying "she did not know when she was moving" yet she had a ticket to fly that afternoon! That night I cried and cried but the next morning I went to court and filed a petition to get her butt brought back to NJ with our son. Right now we are awaiting a final court decision on custody arrangements but I got my boy back and she learned (as Brittany Spears has ) that fathers do have rights to be parents.

Please tell fathers to never give up fighting to be a father to their children regardless of the mothers fighting us to stop.

[blkav8tor2003]

I am so happy to know that there are real men in 2007. From a mother's point of view. I am one that moved from Cola, SC to Charlotte, NC with my 3 girls; not for spite but to better my financial situation because I wasn't getting any help. I haven't pursued any child support from my 2 donors because I don't feel any courts will use a chart to value my children. In the long run you will reap what you sow. The Bible states that the Lord will be a father to the fatherless, and I will say without a doubt that the Lord has been an EXCELLENT father for my 3 girls. Even through my past few months of struggling through a cancer battle as a single parent, I haven't recieved a dime or offer from donors or their families, and my kids are not hungry, cold, or without. The road is difficult sometimes but to see my girls smile is priceless and worth every sacrifice that I have to endure. It has hurt me because I know that my children don't have support from a father that puts so much more strain on my physically because all they have is me. So it makes me fight so much harder with this little thing called cancer. To all of the real mothers and fathers keep up the good work. When you raise productive men and women it will pay off.

Well Layla,

With your struggle you have definitely taken the high road and survived that hurdle, your to be comended! In my state of Arizona (and yes there are black people that live here...lol) if a single mother has any struggle and applies for anything that would have her id herself as a single mother the state gives her the "farm" and then they set out to destroy the father whether he is doing his part or not. My ex has yet to claim while I was paying child support she was living in my household which is my arrears and to child support officials the father can say nothing and anything said will come from the mother that will be taken into account for any initial changes. I have a year of arrears for the child support that I was already paying and I was the only income provider in the house at that time and my ex has never really worked and still doesn't work today but lives off of they child support that I pay, yet she calls me for christmas gifts, school clothes and things he may need!!! Nobody cares when the father can't afford a place to live, transportation to go to and from work and this includes the bus and we are not even talking about money for utilities...no extras!!! So you may not have been seeking child support but the state will go after the fathers and the few good men that get jumbled into the stereotype of deadbeats due to the ones not handling their responsibilities. What is "Child Support"??? I don't know but I do know that many woman can live a long time on paid child support and never work.

[martinguy]

OK,I have a different problem i have been married for 19yrs i hade a one night stand with this woman 12yrs ago now in 2007 she clams to have my son the kid is 12 she was married when when we messed around now she wants child supprot because she fell on hardtimes i think, she claims she knew that the kid was mine when he was born but she chose not to tell me do you think if she never fell on hard times she would have ever told me and should i have to pay suport?.

[Cerberus]

Okay everyone, sit down for this one. Here's the situation. Hopefully NONE of you are experiencing this as it is extremely frustrating and down right ignorant and immature!

I have two children (twin boys) from a previous relationship. The mother of my children has made and makes every effort to get over on me and the system. I'll summarize everything to the best of my ability.

Here we have an African-American female with my twin boys. The children were three months premature. They spent a few months in the hospital because they were premature. She went on welfare and medicaid for the boys after they were born even though they were covered privately under my employer. We never discussed child support as I was giving her $600/mo. along with healthcare coverage since they were born. One day she got a brilliant idea and decided to take me for child support at which point she proceeded to lie to the judge and tell him that I had NEVER made an effort to provide for my children even though I had almost $4,000.00 in canceled check and money orders since before they were born. It seemed to be the right thing t do at the time. Or so I thought. At that point she was awarded $1,400.00/mo. and I was ordered to pay healthcare benefits. Mind you this was 45% of my income and she was permitted to sit on her rear end, lie t the court and be with the kids for almost two years before she decide to get a part time job for minimum wage. Interesting isn't it?

Fast forward to 2007. We go to court to establish visitation for the boys and she AGREES mind you to drop the public assistance and use the coverage that I have been providing which to date she hasn't used yet. One would think that since I am making an effort, have never missed a chid support payment, and spend as much time with my kids as possible she would realize just how good she has it. I pick them up every other weekend and in between my normally scheduled visits. At the rate I was going, in another four years, I would have paid just shy of $90,000.00 in support. Which again is not a big deal because I am a firm believer in taking care of my responsibilities. But I'm repulsed that we have a tendency to cry out the whit man this and the white man that yet we really have to be mindful of our own people. It truly amazes me that one would lie, cheat and steal from another human being let alone the government, get away with it and brag about the while situation. Haven't we any dignity and self respect? What's a brother to do inn this situation? I don't know about the rest of you, but I would NOT want my children growing up in this environment. Does anyone have any thoughts, suggestions, opinions or advice? Again, all I want is to be treated fairly.

[danie]

If I were you, I would think about petitioning the court to give you physical custody, and her joint legal custody. If you have proof of your payments, health insurance, and the boys overall mental health when with you, then you may be able to build a strong case. In addition, if you are able to provide a more stable household and can prove this, (i.e. stable job history, wages, living situation...) that will make your case even stronger. The fact that she lied in court, if that can be proven, calls in to question her integrity, morals, standard, and the overall example she is setting for these children.

[garyhill88]

I have been a single father for the last 12 years. I have a child support case in Wayne county Michigan and the court does absolutely nothing to enforce the child support case. The case has been on the book since 1996 and my children's mother is $58,000 in arrears and the courts wont pursue the issue. I even contacted supportkids.com and even they didn't get any results. The court claims that they can't locate her, but they have her current address and phone number. My children are now 20, 17, and 12 and the mother has not been an active part of their lives. The wayne county friend of the court caters to women in every aspect. I have been living in Georgia for the past 7 years and everytime I change jobs, the courts contact my employer to verify that I am carrying medical coverage on my children. They know where I am all the way in georgia, but they claim that they can't find the mother right there in michigan. If the table were turned and I owed child support, they would have had a warrant for my arrest long before I was $58,000 in arrears.

G

[jayfbaby]

I missed part of the show when they were talking about the Father's Rights book. Can any reply back to me and let me know what was the name of the book. thanks.


I'm also a 21 year old male trying to fight to get my son back in my life. He's mother is trying to make it as hard as she can. :( i want to learn all i can so i can better help myself.

[4JAIJAI]

NOTE: The following is not sexist, but unfortunately more women are guilty than men.

Mr. Baisden, would you please address the matter of women who are misappropriating the child support they receive. Sorry, but I am sick of seeing and hearing these women brag about how they continue to take their exs to court for child support increases because "He just got a raise." "He just bought a car." "He just went on vacation." "He's in another relationship." "He just got married." "I am going to make him pay for leaving me." etc., etc., etc. It is so very sad to see the moms look like they just walked out of a fashion magazine, but the poor DEPENDENT children are unkempt.

Please don't get me wrong; BOTH parents should and must care of their children. But the system needs to be balanced so that women are held accountable for how they spend the child support they are receiving. (NOTE: Although rare, there may be some men who are doing the same thing. If that is the case, then this applies to them also.)

It is truly a disgrace to see the conditions in which some children live. Their states are not due to their fathers' not paying child support, but instead to their mothers taking the child support and spending on themselves, their boyfriends, and/or other family members (i.e., sisters, brothers, parents). Just like the fathers have to come into court and prove their income, then the mothers should also have to come into court and (1) prove how the the child support was spent on the child and (2) prove how they (mothers) are also earning income and spending on the child thereby contributing to the child's support. Child support should be the responsiblity of BOTH parents - to the degree of their abilities (education, physical ability, etc.) After all, if the parents had stayed together, what both parents earned would be what was available to be spent on the child's care.

Thank you for your time. I really hope you can address my comment on
today's show. I will continue to stay tune.

Thanks again!

[Cerberus]

Danie,

That's good stuff. I'll have to look into that. Let me ask you this. Is it just that the courts just don't care or are they really that oblivious? The proof has been with my in court each of the three time that I have been there. My attorney has a 10 page chronology, copies of all of canceled checks and money orders long with letters from the insurance companies indication when insurance began and when it stopped (I changed jobs), yet the judge said that he didn't want to see it nor did my attorney try to present the information. I am amazed that the state would let something like this go unaddressed, yet if I'm "late" with a payment, they have the authority to lock me up. That's backwards, isn't it? I am also up challenged with the health of my kids. When have you ever known a little boy to have yeast infection? Or to have ring worm in their head? Plain and simple is sounds as though the children's health and well being are in jeopardy. ALong the same lines, can one have a dog at a daycare center? It doesn't seem very sanitary to me. Any thoughts?

[blkav8tor2003]

Hey Martin,

Remember too that whatever you pay out in child support regardless of the outcome once you start paying child support and if your proven not to be the father....You can not get it paid back what you paid out so get tested or if your sure your the father get things in order financially so that things won't put you out on the street trying to pay it.

[sirkus13]

I am a 54 year old man, but getting different avenues that are confussing to obtain custody of my daughter. Bottom line is that my daughter wants to live with me, but mothwer says she can when she turns 18 and She collects child supprot. "BULL", She does not teach her anything, nor spends time with her. The said check goes to the mother, and she spends it on clothes, shoes, and dinners for her new man, and for herself. Meanwhile my daughter is crying out, but as a father I listen and reasure her that I love her. God made parents good stewards over our children, but many parents fail their children. I take time to teach her and dirrect her to be productive and strong. Where do I trun...I live in Maryland. I do not have sufficent monet to keep goimg to court..where do I turn.

[laylaysmom]

a woman who gets pregnant and doesn't want the child can go to the clinic and get rid of it despite what the father may want, but if a man doesn't want the child, and the woman does the man is forced to support it. i think that is soooo wrong.

[lustyk44]

first to martin-yes you need to find out (dna) it he is your child. and if it is you need to pay support and participate in his life.

Now as far as an accounting. I never received child support until my child turned 19. so am i suppose to account for that money now. well i will tell you that the support check did not cover hardly any of the expences i had.
If i choose to get my hair and nails done, that may be out of my money. i have a right to do that. you child support is to go for a childs food, clothing and shelter. so do they have a roof over their heads and a bed to sleep in? do they have food to eat? do they have clothing? well your job is done (money wise) however what about participation?

second i would like to say that when i moved out of state in 1980 i went to court to ask permission to take my child out of state. i did not want him to say i kidnapped her. Yes fathers do have alot of rights. You need to educate yourself to the law. Most things you can do yourself and don't really need a lawyer. I did not have a lawyer one time that i went to court. i did everything myself. Yes i am a female but the law is the law.

[khemet]

My husband was married before and had two children with his ex-wife. When the divorce was final he was given standard visitation. He would of course see them more than the visitation guidelines called for and he pays his child support. Recently, he filed a motion with the courts to change the parental rights and responsibilities. He was awarded "custodial parent for school purposes". The children are supposed to stay with us for one week and stay with their mom for one week. The children come to our house every day regardless of whose week it is because they go to school in our district. Their mother picks them up at around 7 o'clock after their homework is done and after they've eaten dinner. She doesn't pick them up on a regular basis either. The problem is he still has to pay child support for children that live with him. It was reduced from his original payment but, he still has to pay. It's not fair to him or the children. What can he do?

Peace and Love,
khemet

[danie]

Danie,

That's good stuff. I'll have to look into that. Let me ask you this. Is it just that the courts just don't care or are they really that oblivious? The proof has been with my in court each of the three time that I have been there. My attorney has a 10 page chronology, copies of all of canceled checks and money orders long with letters from the insurance companies indication when insurance began and when it stopped (I changed jobs), yet the judge said that he didn't want to see it nor did my attorney try to present the information. I am amazed that the state would let something like this go unaddressed, yet if I'm "late" with a payment, they have the authority to lock me up. That's backwards, isn't it? I am also up challenged with the health of my kids. When have you ever known a little boy to have yeast infection? Or to have ring worm in their head? Plain and simple is sounds as though the children's health and well being are in jeopardy. ALong the same lines, can one have a dog at a daycare center? It doesn't seem very sanitary to me. Any thoughts?

A child that young should not generally have a yeast infection. While they are more prone to illnesses because they were born premature, that generally isn't one of them. My six year old was born at 27 weeks under adverse conditions, so I have done a great deal of reading of what to expect, and lived through my share of problems resulting from the prematurity. Yeast is caused by an excess growth of bacteria. While this may sometimes be normal for women as they go through hormonal changes, it really isn't for little boys. Ringworm also generally comes from unsanitary conditions, or either playing in dirt or sand without cleaning the area that becomes affected. Many children play in dirt or sand everyday, but they also are cleaned. The ringworm and yeast makes me question the hygiene of the household. If you suspect health problems or neglect, you need to keep a record of all your concerns, talk to their doctor, as well as a doctor in general about the health of children that age. As far as the dog at the daycare, it is allowed if it is a family daycare, but the daycare provider must take all the neccessary steps to make sure that the animal isn't a health risk.

[danie]

a woman who gets pregnant and doesn't want the child can go to the clinic and get rid of it despite what the father may want, but if a man doesn't want the child, and the woman does the man is forced to support it. i think that is soooo wrong.

The woman gets the choice because it is her body and her health. Abortion can sometimes have adverse physical and mental side effects. The laws of this country are made so that you aren't force to have surgery you haven't consented to. When the man and woman have sex, they know that there is a risk of pregnancy. He accepts that risk, just as she does. If pregnancy is the outcome, she gets to make the decision because it is her body that goes through 9 months of changes, or her body that their child is sucked out of if she gets an abortion, which is something that you will never forget.

[grenetta b]

laylaysmom
a woman who gets pregnant and doesn't want the child can go to the clinic and get rid of it despite what the father may want, but if a man doesn't want the child, and the woman does the man is forced to support it. i think that is soooo wrong.


THE MAN OR WOMAN HAS THE RIGHT TO WEAR PROTECTION IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD. PLEASE DON'T LAYDOWN
WITHOUT PROTECTION IF YOU DON'T WANT A CHILD.


ONE NIGHT OF PLEASURE CAN MEAN A LIFETIME OF PAIN. :p

[martinguy]

first to martin-yes you need to find out (dna) it he is your child. and if it is you need to pay support and participate in his life.

Now as far as an accounting. I never received child support until my child turned 19. so am i suppose to account for that money now. well i will tell you that the support check did not cover hardly any of the expences i had.
If i choose to get my hair and nails done, that may be out of my money. i have a right to do that. you child support is to go for a childs food, clothing and shelter. so do they have a roof over their heads and a bed to sleep in? do they have food to eat? do they have clothing? well your job is done (money wise) however what about participation?

second i would like to say that when i moved out of state in 1980 i went to court to ask permission to take my child out of state. i did not want him to say i kidnapped her. Yes fathers do have alot of rights. You need to educate yourself to the law. Most things you can do yourself and don't really need a lawyer. I did not have a lawyer one time that i went to court. i did everything myself. Yes i am a female but the law is the law.

yes he is mine i took a dna test ,what im saying is why would she wait 12 yrs to say anything.shes married to the same guy that thought he was his imean she has her family and i have a family to plus am i supose to tell my wife that she has to ecept the child. i want to do the right thing but i dont want to lose my wife of 19yrs...........i know..............iknow

[martinguy]

laylaysmom
a woman who gets pregnant and doesn't want the child can go to the clinic and get rid of it despite what the father may want, but if a man doesn't want the child, and the woman does the man is forced to support it. i think that is soooo wrong.


THE MAN OR WOMAN HAS THE RIGHT TO WEAR PROTECTION IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD. PLEASE DON'T LAYDOWN
WITHOUT PROTECTION IF YOU DON'T WANT A CHILD.


ONE NIGHT OF PLEASURE CAN MEAN A LIFETIME OF PAIN. :p

it takes two,

[filmoredollar]

When my brother was fighting for custody of his daughter had to fire his first lawyer because she was not doing a good job of fighting for him. By the time he retained a new lawyer the case was pretty much coming to an end. When his second laywer agreed to represent him for the remainder of the case one of the first things he told my brother was Queens county NY is not a good county for fathers who try to do the right thing by their children. Long story short, my brother lost his custody of his daughter and the Judge told him that while she commended him for stepping up to the plate and taking care of his child, he now needed to be weened off her. My brother went from seeing his child 3 1/2 days every week to every other weekend. My brother raised his daughter by himself from the time she was 3 months old until she was almost 2 because my niece's mother abondoned her and my brother. What kind of message did that judge think she was sending with her ruling?

Alot of people complain about how men aren't around but what a lot (not all) wemen aren't saying is that they are using these children as tools of spite against the father. I have seen grown men cry in court behind some of the things that these wemen have done. The way I see it the family law system in this country (couple with spiteful mothers) are just as bad as the criminal justice system when it comes to keeping men out of their childrens lives. But I think that more mothers knowing this is true need to step up and say this because men have been for years and the courts DO NOT CARE. And to the mothers that play that are making a game piece out of your child for whatever reason, you are wrong and you are killing your kids and your family for generations to comes with this nonsense. Get some help if you need it for whatever problems you are having that is keeping you from doing right by that child and understand that you are only hurting your child by keeping dad from them for your own personal reasons. Unless that is you want revenge on your child by causing her the same emotional distress and problems that you may have.

[martinguy]

my dad has a set of kids from his first marrige he is 58yrsold the kids are in there 30 s he is still paying suport and there mother is riding around in a convertable benz.

[filmoredollar]

You know, I think that if you take away a womens right to abortion, welfare, medi-cal here in california and other programs that pay for the prenatal care and the birth, and if parents of these men and wemen start putting out these supposed love birds or careless lovers. And, leave in tact a mans obligation to support his children finacially weather he wants them or not I think that alot of these careless sexual practices would cease or at least decline.

[filmoredollar]

my dad has a set of kids from his first marrige he is 58yrsold the kids are in there 30 s he is still paying suport and there mother is riding around in a convertable benz.

I know that the ladies are going to be mad at me for this but I think that in some ways that womens rights has gone too far to the point of bias towards women. This is definately true in the courts.

[starkeyjohnny]

[FONT="Tahoma"]FIRST OF ALL I WANT TO SAY GOD BLESS AND ALL IS WELL. I WOULD LIKE TO COMMENT ABOUT TODAYS TOPIC FATHERS RIGHTS. I WOULD LIKE SAY THAT I AM A DIVORCED FATHER WHO EX WIFE TOOK AND MOVED MY CHILD ACROSS THE STATE, I ALSO HAVE VISITATIONS RIGHTS TO SEE HER. SHE MOVED WITHOUT TELLING THE COURTS OR ME. THE COURTS ARE SAYING THAT I AM IN THE REERS EVEN THOUGH I WAS PAYING CHILD SUPPORT WHILE I WAS MARRIED. THEY HAVE BEEN TAKING MY INCOME TAX CHECKS SINCE THE YEAR OF 1996. IS THERE ANY WAY POSSIBLE THAT YOU CAN GIVE MY INFORMATION TO AN ATTORNEY. THANK YOU AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY. MY NAME IS JOHNNY STARKEY AND I LIVE IN THE STATE OF OHIO. [SIZE="4"]

[VinceNMI]

It's really about time that we as a people get things together and put the system on blast!

First off, I am a father of 4, all children by my ex wife.

I broke things off with her for good early last year after I saw we weren't getting anywhere. We had a 10 year history and I tried everything to try and make things work. I have always been there for my children and even HER son who was six months old when we met. I bought food and diapers for him and would even babysit him while she worked since we worked different shifts. We had four children of our own(or 3 because I found out also last year that my 7 year old daughter may not actually be mine biologically). I was there taking care of the babies and her when they came home, providing, cooking cleaning the whole 9. I took care of my family to the best of my ability all the while supporting her and her dreams. She rarely kept a stable job and and even at one point had a bad gambling habit to the point where I once found out SHE SPENT THE WHOLE CHILD SUPPORT CHECK she received from her sons father at the casino!

Fast forward to last year, after trying to make it work with her, buying a new home in the suburbs for my family, supporting her daycare business(I provided all her computer equipment and bought her a 15 passenger van) she continued her trife ways and I went to her as a mature adult and said things weren't working for either of us and we needed to seperate for good and just work on being parents to our children. This wasn't good enough for her.

So now she has kept them from me for almost a year. I've missed birthdays and holidays. I sent food and clothes over to her house via her father, and she emailed me asking me not to do that anymore!? Claiming that if I had something for the children she wanted me to bring it. Well I tried that in the past and all she ever wanted to do was start an argument with me about our relationship. Our relationship doesn't matter at this point; it's over! What does matter is our children who I am sure miss their father and wonder where he is. The very last time I went to try and see my children last Dec. she told me they were sleep, at which point they came running to the door to see who she was talking to. That whole situation ended with her calling the cops on me LYING, ADMITTING that I never laid one finger on her, but claiming I threatened her. Needless to say they took me to jail and once I got out 3 days later because I didn't have $1000 for bail, I decided to stay away from her and go through the system as much as I hate doing so.
Of course this means waiting forever for them to act on mybelf

It's funny how the court move at a snails pace when we as men fight for our GOD GIVEN rights as fathers. No judge jury or person should have the right to restrict a man(I'm not talking about boys, but real men!) from fathering the very children he helped create! We need to wake up! People are complaining about there not being any real men out here but look at what this system is doing to us! The system is trying to treat us like little boys, telling us we don't know hw to take care of our own children so they have to do it for us.

It's sad that so many little girls(yeah I said it!) see child support as revenge. That's not what it's for. It's not for you to not have to work and just to make his life harder because of whatever you feel he did to you. Yall need to grow up! Any woman that would do that, and keep her own children away from a loving father is a trifling little girl period!

You can't deny the fact that nobody cares about dad. People don't jump up and down, get mad, post pictures on pizza boxes and all that mess over these little girls that make it hard for real men to be fathers to their kids!

Kudos to you and your show Mike for keepin' it real!

Thanks brother!

[VinceNMI]

first to martin-yes you need to find out (dna) it he is your child. and if it is you need to pay support and participate in his life.

Now as far as an accounting. I never received child support until my child turned 19. so am i suppose to account for that money now. well i will tell you that the support check did not cover hardly any of the expences i had.
If i choose to get my hair and nails done, that may be out of my money. i have a right to do that. you child support is to go for a childs food, clothing and shelter. so do they have a roof over their heads and a bed to sleep in? do they have food to eat? do they have clothing? well your job is done (money wise) however what about participation?

second i would like to say that when i moved out of state in 1980 i went to court to ask permission to take my child out of state. i did not want him to say i kidnapped her. Yes fathers do have alot of rights. You need to educate yourself to the law. Most things you can do yourself and don't really need a lawyer. I did not have a lawyer one time that i went to court. i did everything myself. Yes i am a female but the law is the law.


Peace sister,

I hear what you are saying, but I must say from experience that all of these "mens rights" hardly mean anything in front the Judge .

These judges have way too much discretion with family court cases and often end up ruling overwelhmingly in favor of the mother.

I have been told by the IRS themselves that if the two parent aren't married, then the mother automatically has sole custody for tax purposes. Why is that?

I was told by a judge after I explained to him how much I missed my children that I "would have the next fifty years to spend with them" as if it were no big deal.

My ex told my lawyer she made $147/week and neither the judge, nor my own lawyer(female) asked her to prove it, even though we had BOTH been ordered to bring in proof of our income. I brought mine in and got stuck paying $1400/month.

I once had a show cause hearing for her repeatedly violating the parenting time order by not having the kids at her moms house which is where I was supposed to pick them up from, not answering her phone or returning voicemails. An established history of this, not a first or second time deal. My lawyer had to argue with the judge to issue a warrant for her arrest for contempt of court, but before the judge regretfully asked her assistant to start the warrant paper work, the court family counselor CALLED MY EX ON HER CELL PHONE and told the judge she was on her way. So the judge made me sit there, did not even issue the warrant NOR DID SHE PROCEED WITH THE SHOW CAUSE, she simply upon arrival of my ex, ordered us to go talk to the family counselor.

The system is one sided, in favor of woman for the most part. One can't deny that. Now the courts motive for that, guess what, they collect fees for child support. So yeah it's another income avenue for them

[ssjup81]

Too bad couples can't just go against the courts...and I'm referring to those on good terms with one another. Even if the court says that fathers can only visit a certain time or whatever, but the mother and father ignore that and just do what they feel is good for the kids, and the mother just let the father visit anytime that he wants, or vice-versa for the father with the mother.

[Doingitbymyself]

I found out from a co-worker that some states (namely NJ) will not terminate child support orders automatically if custody changes or child become an adult. So men, you need to make sure you contact the courts when things like this happen or you will continue to pay.

[laylaysmom]

i understand a woman's right to abortion , she has just as much responsibilty to protect herself as the man. what i don't think is fair is that she gets to choose and force someone to change their lives completely. you don't know how many guys i know that have cried because their girl killed their unborn child and there was nothing they could do about it. they've said just have the baby and give it to me and you'll never have to see them or the baby again, or women who've trapped men by getting pregnant( poking holes in condoms, lying about birth control, etc...) i'm not saying that it's all the woman's fault, i just think the father should have some say in what happens to their unborn child. if she decides to have a baby and he doesn't want the child he shouldn't be forced to take care of it, he should be able to turn over his parental rights and walk away stay away forever (no changing his mind later, because a woman can't change her mind after an abortion) or if he wants the baby and she doesn't as long as it isn't medically unsafe she should have to have the baby, and turn it over to the father and be able to walk away forever....

[VinceNMI]

i understand a woman's right to abortion , she has just as much responsibilty to protect herself as the man. what i don't think is fair is that she gets to choose and force someone to change their lives completely. you don't know how many guys i know that have cried because their girl killed their unborn child and there was nothing they could do about it. they've said just have the baby and give it to me and you'll never have to see them or the baby again, or women who've trapped men by getting pregnant( poking holes in condoms, lying about birth control, etc...) i'm not saying that it's all the woman's fault, i just think the father should have some say in what happens to their unborn child. if she decides to have a baby and he doesn't want the child he shouldn't be forced to take care of it, he should be able to turn over his parental rights and walk away stay away forever (no changing his mind later, because a woman can't change her mind after an abortion) or if he wants the baby and she doesn't as long as it isn't medically unsafe she should have to have the baby, and turn it over to the father and be able to walk away forever....

I agree.

Both people make the decision to have sex to begin with, so both should be faced with the outcome of that decision. Not just one or the other. A woman will say it her body and that's true, but she could have not gotten pregnant just as well. Same for the man, if he wasn't ready for a child then there are steps you can take. In the end, neither man nor woman should depend on the other for preventing a pregnancy.

It takes two to create a child and it takes two to raise a child, contrary to popular belief.

[curren93]

:mad: Once again the system is steadily showing us (Fathers) that we are of no value to society, but to pay child support. Please don't misunderstand me it's our responsibility to do so and we will--but we also deserve to be treated with some respect and dignity. We love and care deeply for our kids just as the women are that's involved. I have been a single father for the last 12 years. I have a child support case in Wayne county Michigan and the court does absolutely nothing to enforce the child support case. The case has been on the book since 1996 and my children's mother is $58,000 in arrears and the courts wont pursue the issue. I even contacted supportkids.com and even they didn't get any results. The court claims that they can't locate her, but they have her current address and phone number. My children are now 20, 17, and 12 and the mother has not been an active part of their lives. The wayne county friend of the court caters to women in every aspect. I have been living in Georgia for the past 7 years and everytime I change jobs, the courts contact my employer to verify that I am carrying medical coverage on my children. They know where I am all the way in georgia, but they claim that they can't find the mother right there in michigan. If the table were turned and I owed child support, they would have had a warrant for my arrest long before I was $58,000 in arrears.

G

[curren93]

NOTE: The following is not sexist, but unfortunately more women are guilty than men.

Mr. Baisden, would you please address the matter of women who are misappropriating the child support they receive. Sorry, but I am sick of seeing and hearing these women brag about how they continue to take their exs to court for child support increases because "He just got a raise." "He just bought a car." "He just went on vacation." "He's in another relationship." "He just got married." "I am going to make him pay for leaving me." etc., etc., etc. It is so very sad to see the moms look like they just walked out of a fashion magazine, but the poor DEPENDENT children are unkempt.

Please don't get me wrong; BOTH parents should and must care of their children. But the system needs to be balanced so that women are held accountable for how they spend the child support they are receiving. (NOTE: Although rare, there may be some men who are doing the same thing. If that is the case, then this applies to them also.)

It is truly a disgrace to see the conditions in which some children live. Their states are not due to their fathers' not paying child support, but instead to their mothers taking the child support and spending on themselves, their boyfriends, and/or other family members (i.e., sisters, brothers, parents). Just like the fathers have to come into court and prove their income, then the mothers should also have to come into court and (1) prove how the the child support was spent on the child and (2) prove how they (mothers) are also earning income and spending on the child thereby contributing to the child's support. Child support should be the responsiblity of BOTH parents - to the degree of their abilities (education, physical ability, etc.) After all, if the parents had stayed together, what both parents earned would be what was available to be spent on the child's care.

Thank you for your time. I really hope you can address my comment on
today's show. I will continue to stay tune.

Thanks again!
So true, but the system or the courts doen't have the time and the resources to clog up the dockets with meaningless dribble from a so called man trying to avoid from paying child support. This is just once response that I received from the hearing officer and the judge when I asked that my ex-wife ordered to be accountable for all expenses concerning my kids.
Brief example is I was paying her two grant ($ 2000.00) per month along with daycare for my daughter that was old enough to be in pre-k, and after-school care for her and my son. We would be off from work a 2pm everyday but she steady lied to the the courts stating that she need the after school care etc. Another $ 800.00 in child care expenses and to put the icing on the cake, $350.00 in Alimony. But with all that said, my kids would have to eat to my mothers atleast three to four times a week. Because their mother would refuse to cook or buy food. I had too every other week buy them colthing just to have with me, incase with had something do. She had my kids without cable, air conditioning, she would ONLY run the small unit in her room and have a small box fan blowing the air across the house into the kids room. Her cell phone bill each month until she realize that I found out was no less than $ 900.00 dollars per month. Calling these singles dating numbers. She traveled each week that I had the kids shopping and buying for all of new man friends well my kids didn't have any food in the house. I can go on and on with this---overall the monies that I paid her for child support etc. the kids barely seen or enjoyed.

[VinceNMI]

So true, but the system or the courts doen't have the time and the resources to clog up the dockets with meaningless dribble from a so called man trying to avoid from paying child support. This is just once response that I received from the hearing officer and the judge when I asked that my ex-wife ordered to be accountable for all expenses concerning my kids.
Brief example is I was paying her two grant ($ 2000.00) per month along with daycare for my daughter that was old enough to be in pre-k, and after-school care for her and my son. We would be off from work a 2pm everyday but she steady lied to the the courts stating that she need the after school care etc. Another $ 800.00 in child care expenses and to put the icing on the cake, $350.00 in Alimony. But with all that said, my kids would have to eat to my mothers atleast three to four times a week. Because their mother would refuse to cook or buy food. I had too every other week buy them colthing just to have with me, incase with had something do. She had my kids without cable, air conditioning, she would ONLY run the small unit in her room and have a small box fan blowing the air across the house into the kids room. Her cell phone bill each month until she realize that I found out was no less than $ 900.00 dollars per month. Calling these singles dating numbers. She traveled each week that I had the kids shopping and buying for all of new man friends well my kids didn't have any food in the house. I can go on and on with this---overall the monies that I paid her for child support etc. the kids barely seen or enjoyed.

They act as though you're a demon for wanting some kind or proof that the child support is being used for what it's supposed to be used for.

If the courts TRULY had these best interest of the children at heart, this would not be a problem.

[3CF]

A man who claims to have been abused by the American court system is taking up a fight to return America to the people. He is comparing this fight to the revolutionary war fought in 1776 against such oppression. Starting a Myspace account under the name of forced_fatherhood, he is creating quit a stir in the political community.
Exposing lies and mistreatment by Judge Mark M. Meddaugh of Sullivan Co. New York "forced_fatherhood is also citing parental abuse and drug use by his ex wife. According to forced_fatherhood, the courts have lost or conveniently misplaced witness statements, documents and refuse to acknowledge forced_fatherhoods rights. Also e-mails sent to Gov. Spitzer of New York, are also cited as never being replied to or even acknowledged.
To read the full story, point your browser to http://www.myspace.com/forced_fatherhood